Brittany

i wish i could fucking read minds.
you're just too confusing to figure out from the outside

• 08:11 Oh my god i love how adore jumps in bed at night and kneads the dough. Cat owners will know of the process. She is such a lover. #
• 17:38 Damn i love this tablet. SO SLEEK, SO BIG, SO BRAND NEW #
• 01:43 Migraine! But we're getting imo's so that should cure it hopefully #
• 01:44 Holy shit i thought it was friday all day #
• 03:10 I like wanna chicken out of one of my interviews shit #
• 03:39 Headache persists. Seeking refuge under blankets in bed #

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taking advantage of photobooth - chilling on the couch and showing off my new shoes and tablet that i got for christ's mass









boo ya

man, a few days ago i like had nothing and now suddenly i have nice shit again. awesome.

• 13:35 It's christmas today wheee :) i'm awake super early, fail. Hopefully this cigaratte will put me to sleep #
• 17:21 Ufo files is on all day! Hell yeah! #
• 00:07 My dad and brother put an old radio in my front panel where my head unit was ripped out. I have sound! Driving won't suck so bad! #
• 01:28 The long trek home. Lol the radio has such low power that i can hardly hear it. BETTER THAN SILENCE THOUGH. #
• 01:29 But yeah i gotta drive out to new melle and get kevin then out to south city. My life is spent mostly in cars #
• 02:35 Kevin's parents gave me a mace key chain! #
• 04:14 lol smoking out of a candy pipe. #
• 04:18 twitpic.com/v9o9s - told you. #
• 04:20 @increasedelete just come over here, we're smoking out of and eating a candy pipe i mean cmon it's totally blue flavored #
• 04:24 @vally_xo i watch so many documentaries on conspiracy theories and UFOs and politics and the economy. i've seen like ten trillion. #

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I never realized how much writing helps with being upset.

wheee christmas is fun. opened my brand spanking new intuos last night, very excited. parents are giving me a new laptop for my birthday, which is 3 days from now. VERY excited to start using that thing - it runs windows 7 wheeeee. cheap computer but who cares right oh man. then i will only have one day to play wow and draw until we leave for miami!

so yeah, FL, i'm gonna be in miami from like the 30th to .. a few days later, then in ft. lauderdale (sp?) for a day or two so if anyone lives around there and wants to chilllll then let me know. :B


also, it is snowing. hella white christmas, as kevin put it

• 02:03 Got my new 6x8 intuos! Thing is so sleek omg. And found out i'm getting a new computer for my birthday! :)! So awesome #
• 03:00 Kevin and me and my mom and my uncle are playing wii bowling. We seem to bowl at family functions a lot now haha. #

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I am beyond excited to move out with Jon and Liane, but I miss my family already.

I do think our relationship will improve when I move out and am making my own choices though.

The bottom line is that (a) people are never perfect, but love can be, (b) that is the one and only way that the mediocre and the vile can be transformed, and (c) doing that makes it that. Loving makes love. Loving makes itself. We waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love. Wouldn't that be the way to make love stay? Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won't adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words "make" and "stay" become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free.

• 23:39 I did it. I worked in an office and did well and didn't fuck up. Feeling pretty good about myself or whatever #
• 01:09 I'm so full it hurts but i love it. #
• 02:10 My aunt gave me 100 dollars! Omg what do i BUY #
• 02:16 MAYBE I'LL BUY A BUNCH OF DIGITAL ART BOOKS OFF AMAZON OH MAN. I ALREADY HAVE MY AMAZON WISH LIST POPULATED #
• 02:39 Feels good to be back home in the city. I've been in st charles for the past 3 days doing this temp work. Haven't smoked in 3 days!! #

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a new year & semester means a fresh start, yup. tips at work were super-sweet this week so koneko is getting de-flea'd at a nature cat spa and i am getting a colonic. we are pumped about everything lately, to say the least

• 12:43 Cool thing about sleeping at my parents house and waking up hella early for work- mom's making coffee! Mm #
• 15:11 Got an interview to do html and css for a company. Gotta brush up on my skillz before then. #
• 01:33 My mom and i are watching south park christmas episodes together #

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• 13:41 Last night i healed my cat and this morning i cured a hangover with energy #
• 16:48 Damn it is cold as all hell #
• 22:49 I can't believe made it through work alright #
• 03:52 Having no music in my jeep anymore makes the whole having no heat even worse. #

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Holy god.

I don't know what to think, how to calculate what exactly I am going through, suffering with but this pressure on my heart has yet to let me breathe. I want to cry every second of each minute, I want to write but never seem to stutter out the words, my heart seems to be caving in, then on odd days all this seems to fade into a distant fog like a walk on a brick road in England after the sun rays have finished setting --My heart ponders around for awhile, and I'm alright. At least for the rest of the day. Don't you wish God would give us more signs in life? It seems we become so desperate for signs from God that this person is wrong for us, that we find ourselves begging, pleading to God for a sign, and when there is not a sign within the same minute of asking for one, we start to think maybe that tiny tiny sound in the back round of this radio is the sign from God, or maybe this green light! OR MAYBE GOD DOESN'T GIVE US SIGNS, MAYBE HE WANTS US TO WANDER AROUND LIKE HAMSTERS IN A MAZE JUST TRYING TO FIND OUR WAY AROUND LIFE WITHOUT ANY HELP! I've always had a hard time telling a girl if I had a problem with something she was doing (Hint: Perhaps this is the reason I get walked all over and cheated on) --She will say or do something that will make me second think, maybe she is cheating, maybe she is not happy, or make me even wonder what the hell she is thinking, but I chicken out and just smirk and pretend nothing is wrong and sadly, agree with whatever she is saying. I'm not sure if I do that because I'd rather believe I'm in a fairy tale, or I don't want to seem needy, or maybe I just don't want to sound like an obsessive boyfriend or maybe the real reason is because I know nothing will change, things will pretend to change and just form into another disaster. And I sit here and ask how did this happen to me? Fuck! HOW STUPID AM I? I get on one knee in the middle of Red Lobster and propose to a girl who is hunched over with a dull look on her face, no smile hidden under her cheeks, no giggle about to burst from her lungs, just a "Ya." And I love her too much to ask her for a happier expression to me giving her my life, well hell! I shouldn't have to ask! "Please baby, say yes instead of plain ya" "Can you at least seem happy about it?" "Do you even want this?" "Go in the bathroom and splash some water on your cheeks so I can at least pretend you are crying from happiness" --I wish I had the guts to stand to you, but instead I'm a fucking pussy who is scared you will leave if I try to "change" you. I'm tired of you changing me, there I said it! LOOK AT ALL I HAVE DONE FOR YOU, AND THEN SIT THERE AND SAY I DO NOT LOVE YOU! I don't need your stupid excuses on why you are always a bitch to me, always saying "Don't touch me right now, don't kiss me, I need space".. Everyone is saying how much I am fucking up my life because of you, and yet I sit here and defend you like a complete idiot, "I'm not fucking my life up, I'm doing what makes me happy, why can't you see that? I love her, shut up!" I will say exactly how you make me feel, in just a few simple sentences: You make me feel as if I have a fucking disease with how many times you tell me not to touch you "right now". I'm tired of sitting next to you waiting for the moment you feel like letting me inside your heart. I'm not making any sense at all, so I'm gonna go.

Goodnight.

• 08:51 I KEEP GOING TO TURN ON MY CAR STERIO BUT IT'S NOT THERE ARG #
• 11:04 i just started remembering all the music i used to listen to #
• 11:46 twitpic.com/u5r5c - This is what i'm looking at #
• 18:32 Everytime my phone actually rings it freaks me out like wtf who would call me #
• 18:39 'i just gave myself a boner' he says #

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ok i guess

• 19:53 Jeep was broken into last night. Subs, head unit, and all my cds are gone. I have no more nice shit. I worked hard for those things. #
• 03:26 Why did someone have to take my last cherished possessions the day after i found out my computer can't be repaired #
• 04:35 What am i supposed to do #
• 04:50 All this snow and freezing weather, more evidence that global warming is ~ totally real #
• 08:51 I KEEP GOING TO TURN ON MY CAR STERIO BUT IT'S NOT THERE ARG #
• 11:04 i just started remembering all the music i used to listen to #

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i am drunk. all i can do is lay here with this damn mac in my lap and listen to casimir pulaski day, decatur, and chicago by sufjan stevens on repeat in that order over and over on youtube. nobody's gonna come in here and see me but oh well, i can escape into this weird comfortable melancholic era of some part of my teenage years this way

I got 5 As this semester.